For children up to around the age of five, including neurotypical children, experiencing approximately one tantrum per day is considered typical. Neurodivergent children of the same age may have several tantrums or an average of one tantrum per day. Therefore, expecting these children to have zero tantrums on a consistent basis is unrealistic, particularly over extended periods. This can be especially challenging for first-time or only parents who may not have prior experiences to reference when looking at what might be ‘normal’.

After almost 15 years in ABA, I have encountered a few clients who did not respond to “traditional ABA” - prompting, clear directions, etc. These clients exhibited a heightened reaction to seemingly simple requests from others - extreme refusal, inconsistent triggers, potential for aggression or other potentially harmful or destructive behaviors. They learned quickly, but what they grasped the fastest was how to say or do things to trigger others, make them uncomfortable, or to make the interaction so difficult that the other person would back down from the request. Although they had a relatively large vocabulary, they did not use it to request the things they needed or wanted, what they were thinking or how they felt. The behaviors were always intense but not always consistent with triggers or what they looked like. The behaviors were always intense but not consistently linked to specific triggers or appearances. In fact, issues such as school refusal, reluctance to complete grooming or medical needs, and difficulties in interactions with others often worsened over time. These behaviors frequently caused other family members to tread carefully, never knowing what might trigger one of these behavioral episodes, which could last anywhere from a few minutes to several hours.

While not surprising at this point, I often find myself caught off guard when a parent is resistant to their child using headphones in situations where they feel overwhelmed. I'm not even suggesting that they wear them for any specific amount of time; rather, just having the headphones available if the child needs them raises objections. Frequently, parents are concerned about how the child will "look" with headphones on or worry that the child will become dependent on them. This perception is often far from the truth. By providing such accommodations, it is possible for your child to engage in and enjoy an activity rather than internalizing and trying not to cry when the class becomes loud during a game. 

With ABA waitlists becoming increasingly longer, many parents are concerned about what they can do now to help their child. They want to know if there are any steps they can take before sessions begin to facilitate a smoother transition. While no two situations are identical, here are some general tips:

Hand flapping, turning in circles, body rocking, singing, and other actions are often misunderstood. For years, these behaviors, and others like them, have been discouraged in some situations. These actions help individuals by expressing their excitement, directing excess energy, and blocking out aversive stimuli in their environment. In short, these behaviors serve to meet their needs. If we do not allow stimming, it can lead to other problems, such as becoming so focused on suppressing these behaviors that individuals fail to pay attention to what is actually happening around them, or experiencing a buildup of energy that eventually explodes at another time.