Headphones aren’t Taboo: Sensory Accommodation vs. Pushing Through

Advocate for what your child needs not what society tells you is ‘normal’.

While not surprising at this point, I often find myself caught off guard when a parent is resistant to their child using headphones in situations where they feel overwhelmed. I'm not even suggesting that they wear them for any specific amount of time; rather, just having the headphones available if the child needs them raises objections. Frequently, parents are concerned about how the child will "look" with headphones on or worry that the child will become dependent on them. This perception is often far from the truth. By providing such accommodations, it is possible for your child to engage in and enjoy an activity rather than internalizing and trying not to cry when the class becomes loud during a game. 

Would we judge a child that needs to wear glasses to read the instructions on the board so he can play the game? What about the child in a wheelchair who takes a little longer to get to the front of the class for their turn? Or the child who uses a hearing aid or communicates in sign language? What about the child that may be wearing a pull up because they aren’t fully potty trained and want to feel more confident and comfortable? These situations are often deemed "more acceptable" or "more understandable" than a child using headphones, a fidget toy, or asking for a break. The more we resist what the child could actually benefit from and needs, the more they are attempting to make you happy but also struggling internally to keep it together - which is more important? Trying these accommodations may make situations like public restrooms, fire drills, or assemblies more manageable. In unfamiliar situations, sudden loud noises can be particularly triggering; if the first few experiences in a specific situation are frightening, every subsequent instance may become equally distressing. 

Another excuse I often encounter is, “Adults aren’t wearing headphones all the time.” This assumption is absolutely incorrect. Just observe the number of people wearing headphones while walking, in grocery stores, working at their computers, waiting for their children during school pickup, using public transportation, or sitting in cafes. How many times have you put in headphones when your child is crying, whining, or playing with that toy that makes that one specific sound that drives you insane? These situations often arise when the environmental noise is unpleasant, prompting individuals to choose to listen to something else to help them focus or enjoy the task more. Why wouldn’t we provide children with the same option, especially if they seem to be experiencing pain or distress in these situations?

In schools, music is not typically played, and headphones are not usually 100% noise-canceling. While such headphones may be recommended in specific situations, it is not the norm, and there are various levels of noise cancellation. Children can still hear what is happening around them, but the sounds are slightly muted and less intense. They can continue to hear instructions, engage in conversations, and perform all their usual tasks. With an increasing number of devices in classrooms, more and more headphones are being used for various purposes throughout the day. Do not allow the potential stigma to prevent your child from using something that could enhance their learning or social interactions. 

Although headphones are one of the more common suggestions, there are numerous other sensory accommodations that can make school or other activities more enjoyable. Many neurodivergent individuals struggle with overhead, fluorescent, bright, or flickering lights. Possible solutions might include seating near a window, wearing tinted glasses, or other adjustments tailored to the specific setting or situation.

Everyone requires wiggle or movement breaks after sitting for an extended period. Some children may need input more frequently, while others can sit and focus for longer periods. Allowing a child to get up to sharpen their pencil, take a sip of water at the fountain, pass out papers, or run an errand for the teacher can enable them to proactively seek input before they can no longer concentrate, distract others, or succumb to frustration. In such cases, it is often more effective for the child to take a short break and then return to their seat to continue working rather than forcing them to endure a task and accomplish nothing. 

Some children may benefit from a kick band on their chair, a wobble stool, or a fidget toy in their hand to help them concentrate rather than needing a larger movement break to regulate themselves. You may need to experiment with several different items or strategies to determine what works best for your child. When learning to write or engage in arts and crafts, many neurodivergent children demonstrate weaker fine motor skills compared to their same-age peers. It may require more practice or the use of a pencil grip or other supports to help the child achieve greater independence, and that is perfectly acceptable. It is far more important for them to feel successful and to navigate challenges than to impose potentially unrealistic expectations on them. 

Your child's comfort and preferences should always take precedence over concerns about appearances. There are increasing numbers of sensory accommodations that are nearly invisible or designed with children's style preferences in mind. For some older children and adults, there are in-ear noise-canceling headphones that are close to invisible and available in various levels of noise cancellation. Fidgets are being designed as keychains so they can keep it on their belt loop - it is always nearby and won't get lost. For children that are seeking sensory input in their mouth, there are necklaces that have their favorite character or colors made from silicone or other safe materials. Some children will need these items for a short time, some will need them or others throughout their life. You may also see they need more access or more time with these things if they are tired, stressed, adjusting to a new routine, or otherwise not feeling themselves. It is better to support the needs you are currently seeing rather than pushing through. 

Many neurodivergent adults, diagnosed as children and as adults,  report stress and anxiety from trying to perform perfectly as children or not wanting to seem different, especially if their parents and important others had high expectations or were especially critical. If not given appropriate coping strategies, breaks or accommodations, they may dissociate from the experience, engage in self-injurious behaviors like hair pulling or skin picking, or refuse to engage in similar activities in the future. Use sensory accommodations as one small change that can have huge results.