Some Ways I Accommodate Myself to Help Reduce Overwhelm or Stress

Wooden tiles on a solid white background saying “Hey don’t worry just live”.

After I was diagnosed with ADHD in my mid-30s, I was finally able to release the judgment, stress, and anxiety I had been accumulating about things I ‘should’ be able to do, things that I had tried to do forever but just could not accomplish, and the things that I was inconsistent with.

One of these situations was brushing my teeth in the morning. I have always struggled with deciding whether to brush my teeth before or after coffee—if I brush before, my coffee tastes bad, and if I wait until after my coffee, I will often forget to do it due to the ADHD and then move on to whatever is next. I beat myself up for years over this, as it seemed so easy for everyone else. After self-diagnosis and then following up with an actual diagnosis, it all made sense: the sensory issues, not being able to stick to a schedule or routine, not wanting to get up once I sat down, just forgetting to do things for myself, the executive function issues with planning and competing tasks, among other things.

I made the decision to start accommodations to help myself, rather than fighting with myself, and it made my life so much easier. Most importantly, I was able to stop beating myself up for not being able to do what I ‘should’ be able to do.

This is not an exhaustive list but just some ideas of ways we can help ourselves. People with ADHD spend so much money due to forgetting the food or items they have bought, not having the mental or physical energy to complete a task for which they have already purchased all the supplies, or losing things. Yes, some of these may cost a bit more upfront, but I have actually saved money over time. You don’t have to try all of these, but if you think one or more might help, try it out for yourself.

Sensory

• Toothpaste

  • I use kids' strawberry toothpaste and have for years. The mint taste of "adult" toothpaste was too much and was part of the reason I hated brushing my teeth in the morning—if I brushed with mint toothpaste first, my coffee and everything else tasted awful.

  • When looking at sensory issues, it can really help in the long run to accommodate in a supportive way. I never even thought about changing the flavor of my toothpaste, but once I did, I was so much more successful with brushing regularly.

  • I have a hunch that many of the kids I work with are actually more averse to the toothpaste rather than the actual act of brushing teeth. If you’ve tried everything to help support brushing, try a different toothpaste! It might actually help.

• Sunscreen

  • As a young adult and teenager, I hated wearing sunscreen. The smell, the wet feeling until it dried, and the way it often just sat on top of my skin made me feel it for hours. I hated everything about it—and surprise, surprise, I got a few sunburns because of it.

  • I now have a powdered sunscreen for my face. I can easily apply it over makeup, on my ears, the part in my hair, the back of my neck, etc., so that I don’t have that sticky feeling.

  • I have also looked for specific sunscreens that are 'weightless' or 'light' feeling without much of a smell. This is much easier now than it was in middle or high school.

• Headphones

  • I typically have a pair of headphones with me when I’m working or being productive if there are other people around.

  • With ADHD, having something (like music, white noise, a TV show, etc.) on in the background can actually help improve focus. When I am writing reports for work, I always have something going on in the background. I also need a show on in the background while I go to sleep.

  • I also hate being interrupted when I am in the groove, getting things done. I will work past my limits to complete something in one go rather than spreading it out over a few days. Due to this, I wear headphones when I am doing scheduling, data analysis, etc., at work—not because I need the noise, but because I do not want someone to interrupt me. Those who are close to me know that if there is an emergency, I’m still checking my phone or can come and interrupt. Wearing the headphones at least stops the unnecessary check-ins and allows me to focus on the work.

• Sensory toys and input while working

  • I have a few squishy toys in front of me; I am sitting in a spinning chair and facing the window. The squishy toys and rocking in the chair help me stay focused during meetings.

  • I use the toys in my lap so that if I am on a video call, the other people can’t see me. I often hold up the fidgets while working to show parents how to better advocate for the kids I work with. The parents often don’t even realize that I am using these to help focus and engage, and they are surprised that it can be so subtle.

  • I will spin the wheels of the chair with my feet, twist my torso while keeping my upper body stable, and sometimes rock back and forth. This helps me stay engaged in the meeting. Yes, I am moving a bit, but I am so much more focused.

  • Sitting in front of the window allows me to get fresh air, observe the birds and squirrels, watch my dog outside, and provides pretty good lighting for my remote meetings..

Decision Paralysis and Executive Disfunction

• Decision paralysis is something that is common among neurodivergent people—having too many options can actually be a bad thing. This, paired with executive dysfunction, causes a lot of stress and issues for the individual.

• Food

  • Every weekend, I make a large batch of a recipe—typically something with a lot of vegetables and protein that can be easily reheated and, most of all, tastes good. By prepping this once during the week, I can easily heat up a serving for lunch or dinner. Many people with ADHD have a hard time stopping whatever they are doing and transitioning to mealtime—this helps remove some of the mental load of needing to eat.

  • When working outside the home, I will do something similar with my lunches. Packing it the night before is also really helpful to limit the stress in the morning. The only issue with prepping it the night before is remembering to bring it the next morning.

• Clothing

  • If I find a basic that is comfortable and fits well, I will typically buy a few of them in different colors.

  • My clothes are all within the same color palette as well. This ensures that basically everything goes with everything else. I have not worn jeans in years and mostly wear leggings; these are all black leggings to again make it easier.

  • Getting dressed in the morning involves a long list of decisions and choices, which can be difficult for neurodivergent individuals. By ensuring my clothes are all comfortable and within the same color palette, I can basically just pick a top and bottom and know they go together.

  • Doing laundry with ADHD is also really hard—remembering to start it, remembering to switch from the washer to the dryer, having to fold and put it away when it’s done, and then having to do it all over again the next time. By having multiple similar items, I can often push back laundry for a while since my outfits all go together.

• Writing the tasks down

  • Neurodivergent minds are going a million miles a minute. I often think about all of the tasks I need to do, and it becomes overwhelming—then I do nothing. If I write down the tasks, breaking down larger tasks into smaller ones, it allows me to see what I can do quickly, what can be put off, and what I’m not prepared for (such as missing items, for example).

  • It allows me to triage - prioritize what needs to be done now and what can wait.

  • People with ADHD often have a million post-it notes, to-do lists, notes in their phones, screenshots, etc., so figuring out a system that works for you is important. For me, I have two sets of lists - one is for 'now' or 'today,' and the other is a long-term list so I don’t forget about long-term projects or needs. Moving the longer-term items to a different list allows me to focus on what needs to be done now rather than getting overwhelmed with everything that needs to be done.

• Do something

  • Especially on the weekends, I find it hard to get started. I could lie in bed all day, watch shows, and do crafts. While this is needed sometimes, it also leads me to get mad at myself for not being productive at other times.

  • Depending on the day or what needs to be done, I will put on my shoes. I am never comfortable with shoes on, so this gives me a bit of motivation to get something done to take them off—take my dog for a walk, take out the trash/recycling, run an errand, etc.

  • Once I’m actually moving and getting things done, I have tricked myself into being productive and am now better able to accomplish tasks. I really struggle with how much I need to get done in a day to be considered ‘productive,’ but something is better than nothing!

• Getting groceries delivered and subscribing to regular deliveries of important items

  • Over time, I have realized that I can’t do everything on my own. I need some help, and there are some easy things that I can do to help myself with this.

  • Initially, getting my groceries delivered seemed unnecessary, but it was very helpful. It is one thing that I can do on the couch, in bed, or while waiting for a meeting to start that will give me back some time and energy. With ADHD, we are also impulsive, so I would add random items to my cart that looked cool or that I was craving. Over time, this really adds up. I can make sure to do my grocery delivery order when I am in a good headspace and ensure I’m only getting the things I need.

  • Things like dog food, hygiene items, and pantry staples can be easy to determine the average time or number of uses before they're empty. To help myself, I have many of these items automatically sent to me. This allows me to free up my mind for other important needs.

• Checking menus and parking before going somewhere

  • I have realized that these situations are very stressful for me. Trying to decide what to eat while engaging in small talk with others at the table and greeting the waiter is stressful. I like knowing if there is street parking, designated parking, or a parking structure before I go somewhere—do I need change or cash to pay for parking? How long will it take me to park? How far away from the location do I have to park? Is it easy to park, or do I need to leave a little earlier to give myself time to find a parking space? Anytime I go somewhere new, all of this goes through my head.

  • If I can relieve the stress that comes from these necessary activities, it gives me more brainpower to actually get there and engage in the activity.

When talking with parents, I am very transparent with them to help show that they can be engaged, successful, etc., while actually getting things done with accommodations. I will hold up my squishy toys, talk about the toothpaste I use, and advocate for parents, teachers, or other caregivers to be more open and accepting of accommodations.

If there is a task that needs to be done—like brushing teeth—is it more important that the teeth are brushed or that the teeth are brushed using mint toothpaste? Like eating, is it better to eat something rather than getting too overwhelmed and not eating anything? It is important to think about the actual task and what is truly required.

These are just a few of the things I have done to help myself, and I hope that by sharing them, you can better support yourself and others. Each neurodivergent person is different, so these may help some and not others—that is okay! The best thing is to try and see what works best. It may take some tweaking, but over time, things will get easier, and they will be better able to focus on what is important or challenging.