Stimming: Social Stigma or Let it Be?
Most of the time, let it be.
Hand flapping, turning in circles, body rocking, singing, and other actions are often misunderstood. For years, these behaviors, and others like them, have been discouraged in some situations. These actions help individuals by expressing their excitement, directing excess energy, and blocking out aversive stimuli in their environment. In short, these behaviors serve to meet their needs. If we do not allow stimming, it can lead to other problems, such as becoming so focused on suppressing these behaviors that individuals fail to pay attention to what is actually happening around them, or experiencing a buildup of energy that eventually explodes at another time.
The exception to this is self-stimulatory behaviors that can cause harm to the individual or others—not simply those that are annoying to someone else. If a child is head-banging, picking at their hair or skin, eating rocks, etc., these behaviors should be assessed by a professional to ensure the child's safety and well-being. This often includes a medical check-up to determine if there are any underlying medical issues that can be addressed—such as whether the head-banging is caused by a headache, a lack of corrective eyewear, or dietary deficiencies leading to the consumption of inedible items. Once medical concerns are ruled out, another provider may be able to identify a safer alternative that satisfies the same need, such as an occupational therapist (OT) or a board-certified behavior analyst (BCBA), depending on the behavior in question.
If you are concerned about your child being made fun of by others for hand flapping, spinning in circles, or squealing when they are excited, it is essential to discuss with your child how to identify potential friends, what to do if they are being bullied, and how to seek help if necessary. Talk to your child's teacher about the inclusivity lessons and kindness initiatives they have in place. Your child deserves friends who care about them as they are, rather than as the version of themselves that society expects them to be. You might be surprised by the "weird things" other kids do; often, you are so focused on your child that you do not notice the behaviors of others. Encourage your child to be themselves and to express themselves in the way that feels right for their body. Do not expect them to conform to a prototype of what a "perfect child" is, because they are already your perfect child.